Monday, August 11, 2008

To die...

"To the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure..."

I quote Dumbledore from Harry Potter because thats the first thing that comes to my mind when 'Death' comes up(It was the central theme of the whole series...) Yeah, a morbid topic, but you'll find out why I'm writing about it. Being the detached-from-reality and fantasy-loving girl that I am, I always thought I'd die a dramatic death...you know, with my life flashing before my eyes, remembering the people I loved- family, friends and the sort. Yeah yeah, call me weird for thinking about such things but even you must've contemplated your death at least once...

Anyway, getting back on the topic, I'm suffering from a miserable cold. That isn't much of a big deal since I'm sick every alternate month. So, I'm kinda used to it and don't bother about it. It was the usual sunday...getting up late, reading a book, staying online for an obscene amount of time...you get the drift. And just as usual, I went to sleep at around 1am. Now, the worst part when you suffer from a cold is sleeping. The moment you lie down, your nasal passages get blocked and you can scarcely breathe. Generally, after a while, at least one the nostril clears up and normal respiration resumes(at least thats the case with me...) But this night, nothing happened! An hour might've passed but I was still tossing and turning from one side to the other, breathing through my mouth. I was shivering, my head throbbed, blood pounded in my ears and my teeth hurt(Symptoms- I presume) I got up and stumbled towards my parent's room(half blind cause I didn't have my glasses on) With every passing moment, I was finding it harder to breathe. Mum and Dad bolted upright when I gasped for help. I couldn't speak any further. It was as if my insides were completely blocked. I took in deep gulps of air only to start coughing and choking. I wanted air...I wanted life...I felt so desperate, so helpless...so weak.
I'm dying.
My brain shoved out everything except the understanding that I was going to die. It only caused me to panic and retch all the more. Dad was shouting instructions to me but I couldn't comprehend...couldn't speak...couldn't breathe...couldn't live.
I dont exactly remember what happened next, but I guess I managed to get a hold of myself and calm down. I was shivering uncontrollably, tears streaming down my face, My breathing was ragged, but at least I was breathing!
As I write this down, it sounds really silly. But the fear that I had felt during that moment left me paralyzed...unable to do anything. Nothing mattered at that moment, not any person, not any thing. You don't even remember your achievements and success and other such bullshit. Its just plain, cold fear that wraps its arms around you.

I wonder if anything can be learned from this. Enjoy the moment, cause you can drop dead any second? In the end, material gains are not gonna matter anyway? No? Ah well...forgive me for the pointless post then, but I just had to write it down...

A word of advice though- Keep calm if you're dying and everything should be fine!
So, dying of a choked nose...definitely dramatic, but no thanks...I'll pass!

4 comments:

Neeraj said...

mphm....... not bad!!
In fact, rather interesting.
u played with the idea quite well.
and u've hav a really fluid style of writing - which rather makes me envy u.
the 'word of advice' of urs especially reminds me 'How to be a Brit' by George Mikes so i thought i'd quote it:
".......i shall never forget the poor gentleman who once travelled with me on a channel boat. Only the two of us were on the deck as a violent storm was raging. A tremenduos gale was lashing mountainous seas. We huddled there for a while without saying anything. Suddenly a fearful gust blew him overboard. His head emerged just once from the water below me. he looked at me calmly and remarked somewhat casually:
'Rather windy, isn't it?'"

Arpita said...

Yeah, I mean last night, I was scared. But now when I think about it, I find it absolutely hilarious. Hence, the casual approach at the end.

And you've quoted a brilliant example...'Rather windy, isnt it?' Honestly! XD

Ninad said...

I agree with Neeraj now and i'm compelled to say that your fluency with English is really commendable. It isn't often that one gets to read such good language...

Jason said...

Now that was something worth reading.
Well I've been in a similar situation,I almost drowned in a pool.....to keep calm when your lungs are screaming for air is seemingly impossible
Your ideas are excellent and your way of writing, unique...you make the scene come alive before the reader

Normally we do not like to think about death.
We would rather think about life.
Why reflect on death?
When you start preparing for death you soon realize
that you must look into your life now... and come to face the truth of your self.
Death is like a mirror in which the true meaning of life is reflected.